recently i discovered and actually understood the true meaning of death
and life is really short

i also found sth called grief
its a combination of feelings

more of it here:
http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/grief.html

current symptoms are:
Out of emotional control - feel good one minute; in the pits the next
Can't cry
Sigh a lot
dwell on it every moment
Fantasize about the past
Have lots of guilt about things you did or didn't do
Have a huge hole in your heart and soul
Think you will never recover from your loss
See no reason to exist